"There's nothing we can do about it", stated PGA commissioner Franklin Lloyd Withers. "We have been sued by the animal rights people and cannot have players with animal names anywhere in our tournaments, beginning in 2010."
But both Tiger Woods and "The Shark" Greg Norman objected to the vote, saying that the PGA wanted the "field" to be more even and competitive and have hired animal rights people to rid them of certain players.
"This has nothing to do with race", stated Vijay Singh. "We had to give in to the animal rights people or give up the whole 2010 season."
Norman then asked about John "The Ass" Daley.
"John does not go by that name. He does not promote products by that name", he was told by Withers.
"Is a shark an animal?"
"We'll have to get an official ruling on that. It's not in the golf rule book as we have looked."
Woods then declared that they are simply tired of him running away with so many tournaments but that they are going to miss all the crowds that follow him around the course.
"All I can tell you is that the native Americans have launched a lawsuit against sports teams like the Redskins and Indians. I expect the NAACP will do the same with animal names in professional sports", declared Withers.
"You mean the ASPCA", asked a reporter.
"That's what I said, the ASCAP."
Woods and Norman then left in a huff to consult with their attorneys, Woods commenting that if not an "animal", they would have claimed they are being sued by conservation groups over trees.