Tennis fans the world over are shocked by Agassi's revelation that he wore a toupee during some of his matches. Understanding the interest in this topic, a vigilant Spoof reporter got onto the story immediately, getting the first scoop on what Agassi stored UNDER the toupee.
Here are the initial findings of the treasure trove of items formerly housed there:
--A tiny can of hairspray. "A little dab didn't always do it, so I always came prepared to make some last-minute fix-ups," Agassi said.
--A picture of Barbra Streisand. When she and Andre were together, apparently she had grabbed the toupee one day and crazy-glued her picture onto the inside of it.
--A little black book. "Like the Boy Scouts, I was always prepared," Agassi said.
--An American Express card. He never left home without it.
--An extra headband or two, just in case the one he was wearing became too sweaty.
--A mini rain bonnet. Toupees can shrink in the rain, Agassi explained. "I have a big head, and there's nothing worse than a too-tight toupee."
Agassi has just announced his new venture for the manufacture and sale of toupees: Andre's Awesome Accoutrements. The company's slogan is: "Be covered on the tennis court. . .and in life!"