Written by Simon Cockle
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Sunday, 1 November 2009

image for Liverpool name 'Strictly Come Dancing' as new manager
Torres goes for goal...

After another woeful performance, this time against Fulham, Liverpool have named their third manager this season. In an attempt to win both points and reverse the flagging morale at Anfield, Liverpool have gone for the tried and tested skills of the popular Saturday evening BBC show, 'Strictly Come Dancing'.

Having recently appointed Nick Griffin as manager last week in an effort to halt their appalling form, yesterday's 3-1 defeat was the last straw for Liverpool's board of directors. The team, composed entirely of white British players, was already reduced to 5 at the start of play. But after Degan was dismissed for attempting to hang an opposition player, and Carragher went for trying to annexe Poland, the game was up.

Len Goodman will take over as director of football with immediate effect. 'I will look at the players closely, especially their hands and hips, and decide where they should play. You need to be a performer and an actor when you dance around a pitch. Torres is an obvious example.'

Bruno Tonioli and Craig Revel Horwood will act as Head Coach and Manager respectively. 'Our first big test is in Europe,' said Tonioli, 'but we have both danced in Paris. We know what European men can do.' Both would start work on the players' movement around the pitch, facial expressions and use of jazz hands in the 18-yard box.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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