News is just arriving from Lapland that Father Christmas is to make a bid for the Irish sports broadcaster Setanta, which went into administration in June 2009.
Setanta was set up in 1990 to provide sporting coverage for Irish ex pats, and operated individual networks in The United States, Africa, Australia and Canada., but not in Lapland.
As news leaked, and the world's press beat a hasty path to Santa's door, an elven representative of the 'Per Noel' arm of the toy distribution conglomerate told our reporter.
"Santa got really brassed off with only being able to watch horse racing from Kempton Park or Haydock, and decided to raid his piggy bank and make a bid for Setanta. That way he could open a Lapland network and watch as much Barclays Premier League action as he wanted. There would also be boxing, darts, American Football. You name it, fatso could watch it. He would be in heaven, and we here at the factory would be relieved not to have him moping about the place 364 days a year."
Mrs Clause supported the bid. "If it gets him from under my feet, then I'm all for it. From Boxing Day to Christmas Eve he is like a bear with a sore head. If he isn't getting pissed on vodka and knocking the shit out of me, he is down in the toy room haranguing those poor elves. He was even thinking of abbreviating the name to Santa Sports, but I told him that that was just being an arsehole."
Former Setanta pundits Terry Venables and Sam Allardyce are said to have already hung up their stockings in the hope of a bit of extra weekend work. Good luck, lads. And a merry Christmas to all.