Written by Rebut
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Topics: Basketball, Criminal

Tuesday, 10 August 2004

image for Kobe Bryant Enters Special Plea
Could've been worse he could have exchanged me.

NBA Basketball superstar, Kobe Bryant today entered a special plea in Eagle, Colorado. Using the new plea available to sportsmen only, in terms of Section 4(1)(a)bis of the Colorado Criminal Procedures Act 51of 1977 as amended, Bryant's attorneys pleaded "prisoner exchange".

The plea runs along the lines of a plea bargain save that the party who offers the plea to the state, simultaneously offers another sportsman of 'like or similar standing' to be convicted and sentenced in their stead.

The thinking behind the prisoner exchange is that the court and media would feel cheated if one high profile suspect slipped through, without at least the equivalent being served up.

"Hell we could close down Vanity Fair, Rolling Stone and Time Magazine on the same day if we weren't given like fer like. Who wants ter read about nobodys being hung out to dry?"

In terms of the law of Eagle County, the accused must attempt to contact the prosecutors to offer the plea, while simultaneously trying to avoid life imprisonment for infringing the draconian gagging laws.

This must not be confused with the "Laws of gagging", which relates to the public's reaction to the fact that Kobe has spent $12m on legal fees so far. Not to be confused with sofa which you to sit down on when finding out about the legal fees where gagging is optional.

Attorneys for Bryant however were able to reach the prosecution and tender Shaquille O'Neal as their prisoner exchange. They cited a poor season as part of their "package of reasons" for sending Shaq to a 'prison near you'.

LA Lakers general manager Mitch Kupchak received word of the prisoner exchange late this afternoon. He was aghast (nothing to do with gagging) : "It is disgusting, no question. I have been saying it for a long time Shaq had a shocker."

He then gave fans an insight to the kind of loss felt by the Lakers. "This is not a man, this is a giant, a hero to young and old, a legend in his own mind, hell we're going to miss him.....you guys hear we just signed Chris Mihm from the Boston Celtics..."

State District Judge Terry Ruckriegle meanwhile awaits explenations from all parties as to how the prisoner exchange took place amid the gagging. Attorneys for the defense and prosecution have called in sick.

This of course not to be confused with the gagging albeit that there may be gagging involved.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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