The German football team is to wear bullet proof vests during next year's world cup. The German Football Association's security advisor Gunter Schnell said "Ya, we are so disliked all over the world that our football team needs to wear bullet proof vests. Just because we start a couple of world wars and put our beach towels out to claim all the sun loungers. It's so unfair."
If the decision to wear the vests is controversial then the brown shirts they will wear as a second strip may cause an even greater stir. German kit suppliers Naziwear of Berchtesgarten said "We want our young men to look heroic as they go to wage war (er... play football?)."
Security fears in South Africa, host of the tournament, are rife. However,the England team are not concerned. Wayne Rooney is very familiar with Toxteth and if you've been for a night out with Ashley Cole then you can cope with anything.
Reports are coming in that the Germans are considering selecting a Panzer division in place of their usual back 4. As soon as the squads are announced we shall be returning to this story....