Written by Bunsen Burner
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Friday, 16 October 2009

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Hargreaves: Attic Not Balloon

Manchester United and England footballer Owen Hargreaves was not carried away by a large helium filled balloon. Instead he has been found alive and well in Alex Ferhuson's attic.

Hargreaves has been missing for some time, and many feared the worse. An air/sea rescue was launched once the balloon was seen floating away from Old Trafford. Team mates searched Manchester and surrounding cities frantically, but to no avail. Television crews descended on the club and bad news was expected once the balloon was recovered floating in the Irish sea.

A club insider said "We thought little Owen must have crawled inside when nobody was looking. Nobody had seen him for ages, and when the balloon was found empty we thought he was gone for good."

However, Owen Hargreaves was in fact hiding in Alex Ferguson's attic and has been there for some time. Ferguson was quick to deny claims that he had known all along and that he had used the story to deflect questions about Rio Ferdinand's loss of form. "This is clearly a story full of hot air. The referees association is responsible for spreading the story. I'm just glad that Owen has turned up again. "

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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