ST LOUIS, MO -- (ABSNN) Several current members of the St. Louis Rams football organization told ABSNN that "they would all walk if Rush Limbaugh buys the Rams."
All the players threatening to walk were African-American, and claimed "they could not play football for the obviously rasict asshole, Limbaugh.'
Caucasian players remained more or less silent, but a secret organization among the white NFL players group, No Time For White Boys, told ABSNN that they "hoped the sale of the team would go to Limbaugh, because they actually became football players to play the game."
The few Somoan players said "they didn't give a shit one way or another.'
Michael Vick said: "I might stay if I could play QB fulltime, have my criminal record expunged, and a raise in pay of 12 billion dollars. Otherwise, I'll kill Jessica Simpson's new dog."
The NFL Owners Association told ABSNN: "If the black players walk, the cost of a seat a a football game would go down by 1800%, and a hotdog and a coke would no longer cost a family two-years salary."