Written by Dorry McGuire
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Friday, 30 July 2004

image for After Tour de France, Lance Armstrong says, "We are over, Sheryl Crow!"
SO MAD HE COULDN'T TAKE IT After winning the Tour de France by a miracle, Lance Armstrong has broken up with Sheryl Suzanne Crow

Well people, it looks as though our friends Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong are no more. Armstrong reluctantly broke up with his girlfriend of one year last week, after winning the Tour de France.
"I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I had to do what's right." said a regretful Armstrong, 32, who just won his sixth Tour de France title, "I could not get my mind off her during the race, so I had to get her out of my life. I was hoping I could get through without being harsh on her, but considering, she was great about it."

On the other hand, Sheryl came in after Lance was finished, once again, tearful and heartbroken. We here at The Spoof could definitely tell how much the cyclist meant to her. "I feel terrible, I never thought it would ever come to this! I was actually praying he would pop the question on me, but now I know it will never happen!!" said Crow, who could barely get her words out.

Lance did apologize to Sheryl, but she was too devastated to deal with it all. "I promised her we could remain friends but no more than that. Her adopted family has been so supportive ever since I broke up with her. I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't hate her, we just can't date anymore."
"I just cannot believe it," said Sheryl's 16-year-old adopted sister, who was baffled when she found out they broke up "I was really hoping to have a brother in law, especially one like Lance, he's terrific!"

The last good moment the couple had together was their 'victory kiss' that Lance got when he won the Tour de France, but after the thrill wore off, he figured it was time to do what was right, and break up.
"We feel terribly sorry for Sheryl right now, but she's getting along with it okay." said Sheryl's adopted mother, who was very fond of Lance when they were dating.

Sheryl fans lined up outside Lance's home 3 days after the breakup, with signs and banners, chanting "Sheryl Crow!" and one woman, probably in her mid-40's, carried a huge sign that said, "LANCE ARMSTRONG--Without Sheryl, you are nobody!!" which later on caused Lance to inform security guards to chase off the crowd.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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