Written by Scotty
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Thursday, 1 October 2009

In what many are already calling an instant baseball classic, the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox will be shown tonight at 7 pm ET on ESPN.

Said ESPN vice president of marketing John Kimble: "It's extremely rare when major-market teams with sweeping national fan bases get to be seen on TV. More often, smaller-market teams dominate the airing schedule."

Kimble cited as an example the Kansas City Royals: "It always seems that the Kansas City game always generates more fan interest. I mean, as good as they are, who wants to see fucking Kansas City again? Christ, it seems like they're always on. Teams like the Yankees and Red Sox are left fighting for national television exposure. Those poor guys."

The decline of baseball as a national pastime is also a factor in ESPN's decisions.

"The fact that both of these teams share inflated payrolls, juiced sluggers, and arrogant fans just adds to the excitement. We just couldn't turn it down"

When asked if ESPN would be interested in showing any other teams for "Sunday Night Baseball," or any other primetime baseball game, Kimble replied, "Only if it is relevant to the Yankees or Red Sox playoff chances."

Kimble then excused himself from the interview to perform sexual favors for George Steinbrenner.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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