Written by Seb 'ODriscoll
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Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Christiano Ronaldo has shocked health officials by boldly declaring that he will keep his organs as no one is worthy to receive them. The slick Portuguese star has always been a tricky customer in the box, and it appears he has no intention of changing, even in death.

"I will lay in my coffin as I am today, with a beautiful face, beautiful kidneys and a beautiful liver. I think perfection is difficult to achieve, it takes a lot of dedication and work, so why give it away? Besides, no one has the beauty and elegance to pull off wearing my organs. It is a question of style, something which is unique to me".

NHS spokesperson Mel Keetehts said "It's disappointing to hear such a prominent role mode publicly exclude themselves from organ donation. Hopefully it won't have a knock on effect on the amount of young donors registering. Perhaps Mr. Ronaldo should fully consider organ donation and the good it does before making rash public statements. He may one day need an organ transplant to save his own life".

However the purveyor of cheeky winks thinks those who count on his mortality may be doing so a little prematurely. 'Who says I will die? I have lived until now very successfully, I can live forever yes? It will be difficult and I will have to try super super hard, but in life, like football, anything's possible. My move to Madrid has proved that".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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