Written by Seb 'ODriscoll
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Topics: Kids, F1, Chavs, Gangs

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

image for Formula 1 Boost for Vauxhall

A national youth group and South London youth services are celebrating the announcement that from 2010, McLaren and Williams will ditch their entire pit crews in favour of local gang members. The move has been heralded as the most forward thinking in a raft radical of changes in the sport, designed to cut costs and increase its profile.

A spokesperson said, "This is the first roll out of our new scheme, Street Skillz, which aims to exploit the existing abilities of young people in a professional environment. Most of these gang members are already highly skilled at removing wheels and engine parts in a high pressure environment. We want to take talented individuals and put them in positions where their expertise can be of most benefit, such as car jackers in pit crews or shoplifters in chicken farms".

The SW11 Soldya Crew from Vauxhall is one of the first gangs to be trialled on the programme. Head honcho 'Skull Fuka', aka Francis O'Donnell said "Allow it yeah. They is going to give us like £200 monthly allowance and the Prince of Wales and a GCSE yeah. Brap."

The move could potentially save teams up to £2 million per year in personnel costs. The F1 industry also hopes the trial will boost its popularity in traditionally working class areas, where the motor racing is viewed as a pursuit of the super rich.

In a mixed message of support from City Hall, Mayor Boris Johnson said, "Currently the London gangland is akin to Papa New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief killing. If this programme can put a stop to this, then I'm all for it. However, if it turns out to be a failure then rest assured I have been totally opposed to this scheme since its infancy".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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