Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 28 September 2009

image for The Detroit Lions Finally Win A Game!
Lions Den Stadium during the halftime of the Lions - Redskins game.

DETROIT - The fans of the NFL Detroit Lions have finally been treated to a rare rarity - Their beloved Lions have won a football game.

After going for 21 months without winning a game the Lions defeated the Washington Redskins 19-14 snapping their 19-game losing streak dating back to Dec. 23, 2007 AD (Atrocious Detroit).

Lions Coach Jim Schwartz, who's team had been nicknamed the "Losin' Lions" by some of his own players said that his players were so excited that they were carrying on as if they had just won the Super Bowl.

Lion's backup punter Teddy Titsdale was so excited he called his girlfriend Ling Lin, who lives in Formosa and told her to go ahead and buy that cute little rickshaw she has been wanting for the past three years.

The Lions fans in the stands were simply ecstatic with joy. They were throwing popcorn at each other as well as peanuts, M&M's, and Corona Light Beer.

Archie Trickle the team announcer pointed out that the game attendance figure was 1,721, and that included players, coaches, cheerleaders, game officials, hot dog vendors, beer vendors, and Bobby Nogales the guy who mows the football field.

Lions owner William Clay Ford said that his team had not won a game in 643 days, not that he was counting or anything. He was so happy that he decided to give each player and coach a $25 gift certificate to Jack-in-The-box.

Coach Schwartz was asked what he attributed his victory to. The coach grinned, took a sip from his Gatorade, and said that his team had prayed before the game.

When informed that the Washington Redskins team had also prayed before the game, Coach Schwartz thought for a moment and then replied that he figured that his team had just prayed a little bit louder.

Detroit safety Claxton Cloudberry was overheard in the showers singing "We be gonna be fixins to goes to da Super Bowl fo sho fo sho my sweet li'l babymama."

Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford said that the victory had caused his NFL football bubble gum card to jump up from 2 cents to 7 cents on eBay.

SIDENOTE: A spokesperson for the NAACP, which stands for the National Association for the Advancement of Chiefs and Papooses said that the Washington Redskins loss is a sign from the football gods of the gridiron pointing out that Washington needs to change their derogatory "Redskins" nickname.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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