Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Hermaphrodite

Saturday, 12 September 2009

image for South African Runner To Meet Susan Boyle
My God, you're ugly!

Caster Semenya, the South African she-man at the centre of the World Athletics Hermaphrodite Scandal, has announced that she/he is to meet with Scottish singing sensation Suan Boyle in Greece later this week to see if they have anything in common.

Semenya has been diagnosed by doctors as being both a man and a woman, and has stormed to the top of women's athletics after becoming 800m world champion in Berlin recently.

Boyle, 48, shocked viewers and a studio audience on TV's Britain's Got Talent when, during her television debut, she removed a veil covering her face, and caused hundreds to faint.

Cameramen ran for cover as their lenses shattered, and studio lights went out. Several viewers at home reported that they felt nauseous, and six people in Broadstairs claimed that a UFO they were watching suddenly shot vertically into the sky, and disappeared into the heavens.

It's thought (mostly by me) that Semenya and Boyle are type-1 examples of hermaphrodites - a gender mix-up of genes that renders them neither totally man nor woman, but a mixture of both. Semenya, despite looking ostensibly female, has the body strength of former shot-putter Geoff Capes, but regularly shops for handbags, and likes to text friends. She also does her Mum's hair.

Boyle, meanwhile, counts pulling tractors with her teeth as one of her spare time pursuits, and has been dubbed 'Medusa' in her home town of Blackburn in Scotland.

The two will meet on the Greek island of Lesbos on Wednesday to discuss hermaphroditic issues such as trying to decide which toilets to go into in a shopping mall, Prince Philip-style 'hermaphrabuse' like "Pardon me, are you a man or a lady?", and making difficult decisions like waking up in the morning and knowing whether to shave your chin or your pussy.

Members of the media have been barred, and will make up the details of the meeting themselves.

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