Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 11 September 2009

image for Fabio Capello To Swap Places With Susan Boyle Because He Looks A Bit Like Her
The most palatable photo we have of 'Medusa' Boyle

There was controversy at Soho Square this afternoon when it was announced that England football team manager, Fabio Capello, was to make an extraordinary job swap with Scottish singing sensation, Susan Boyle, because he looks a bit like her.

The square jaw, the rugged, weather-beaten complexion and receding hairline have all become familiar features these last few weeks since her first appearance on TV's X Factor, and Boyle has been launched into supermegastardom with world singing tours, TV chat show slots and the odd appearance at a zoo.

England manager Capello said after England's crushing 5-1 defeat of Croatia that, now his team has qualified for next year's South Africa World Cup, he wants to take a well-deserved rest.

Speaking from the mental home where Boyle has been held for more than two months now, since her surprising defeat to Diversity in the X Factor final, Capello said:

"Susan looks a lot like me. So, we are going to ... how you say ... flip-flop for a bit. At the moment, the team are so good, that anyone could manage them - even Kevin Keegan!"

Susan will meet the players later this week, and sing them a song that will no doubt bring tears to their eyes. An FA spokesman told us:

"They are looking forward to it, although we have warned them not to look directly into her eyes, or they will be turned to stone by her ugliness."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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