UK tennis ace Andy Murray was knocked out of the US Open today in a stunning loss. In a post-match interview, Murray was unusually forthcoming while analyzing his defeat.
"All this training and cardio and running and eating right and stuff....it's all a pain in my ass, frankly. I don't want to wind up crippled at twenty five for God's sake and there's no need."
When asked to continue, Murray rolled his eyes to the Heavens and sneered. "Let me explain slowly, OK Chick? I've got all the money already so what the hell do I really care? I've lost matches before, I'll lose again but as long as the money keeps rolling in...Whatever." Shrugging, he headed off to the showers and a night of partying in the cool NY scene..."
When last seen, Mr. Murray was scarfing down a super-sized package of fries and looking happy as a lark.