Written by Earl Grey
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Thursday, 27 August 2009

image for Ashley Cole: "Because I'm Worth It.... Too"
"You're shit and you know you are..."

Ashley Cole was celebrating last night as it was announced that he had just won a major new sponsorship deal. The news followed the announcement that his wife, Cheryl, was to be the new face of L'Oreal.

Ashley Cole has been chosen to advertise Travelax, the new, improved laxatives for people on the move-slogan "On the move but got the moves? Travelax!" Cole was delighted at signing such a lucrative contract and is determined to show that he can be just as successful as his wife.

A spokesperson for Travelax said "We chose Ashley because he reflects our product. Nobody admits to needing it. Nobody owns up to using it, but it's there. It gives people the shits and is quite anti social in a way. And dopey hairdressers in Morden like talking about it. Yes, Ashley was the perfect choice."

Cole is looking forward to recording his first advert. It may well be filmed at Wembley because he is shit all over the park normally.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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