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Saturday, 22 August 2009

image for Burnley Fans To Sober Up Ahead Of Everton Clash
It's Party Time In Burnley!

Football fans in the town of Burnley have vowed to get sober before Sunday's Premiership clash with Everton, following a booze fuelled en-masse three day bender after the club defeated Premier League Champions and last year's Champions League finalists, Manchester United.

When Burnley's Robbie Blake hit the back of the United net with a stunning volley from a Patrice Evra headed clearance, Burnley fans embarked on the biggest bender to hit the town since all-day drinking was introduced.

Local pubs did a roaring trade as claret and blue clad supporters celebrated right through to Saturday night.

"I'll knock it on the head at midnight Saturday," Burnley fan Mick Robinson told us. "I'll have to sober up for the Everton match Sunday. Then, I'll be on the lash again till the neet afore the next match."

"What about work?" we asked.

"Bollocks to that!" Robinson told us. "We beat MAN UNITED! I'll be out on the razzle till we get beat. Even then I suppose I'll be out on the razzle to drown me sorrows like. Hey, I tell thee, it's bloody great is this Premier League. It's not that long since we were nearly relegated out of league altogether like. And now we're int Prem beatin' MAN U-bloody-NITED! I'll tell thee, we're gonna milk this for all it's worth lad!"

On a related topic, emergency supplies of draught lager were being flown in by helicopter from France, Belgium, Demark, Spain, and Jamaica, thus easing the lager drought in the town.

Result and comment from the Everton game as it comes in.

Update: Burnley beat Everton 1-0.

The beat goes on...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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