Written by Dorry McGuire
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Saturday, 17 July 2004

image for Lance Armstrong: "It's all her fault!"
Despite being the cycling champion, Lance Armstrong admits to have been "Daydreaming" of his girlfriend during the race.

Cycling champion Lance Armstrong is severely irate these days about his falling behind in the Tour de France, claiming that he has been currently in dazes during the race. I guess this explains why he was in fourth place for a majority of time. "It's horrible. I cannot concentrate on my racing skills these days. I keep thinking about what my girlfriend is doing. To top that I've been fantasizing about what she'll do if I win. It is getting crazy." said Armstrong, 32, who is currently dating recently-adopted country rocker Sheryl Crow.

"I laughed out of embarrassment and flattery when he told me this." says Crow, 42, who has been dating Lance since last year and has been here at The Spoof for various interviews and news stories, although her first wasn't very pleasant.

Anyway, back to Lance. He has recently claimed here at The Spoof that Sheryl Crow is to blame for his recent lack of winning skill. "In my opinion, it's her fault. Sheryl and I have been together so long! She's been all that goes through my mind lately and, oh, I just don't know what to do about this anymore." Armstrong said, turning dreamy eyed for a minute.

When we asked Armstrong if he planned to "pop the question" anytime soon, his answer was simply, "Definitely!"

We asked Sheryl if she thought she had anything to do with his falling behind, and she said, "No way!! I'm just cheering him on, hoping he'll win!!" but Lance still disagreed, claiming that it's everything to do with her, that she had everything to do with it and that she was a distraction to his skill.

We also wanted to know what Lance planned on doing after the Tour de France ended. "Win or lose, I am really going to give that woman all I have. I mean seriously, she is so in for it. She is ruining my whole cycling career!!"

We weren't so sure about the ruining part, but we did understand how much this cycling victory means to him. But we know the real truth. It's not Sheryl's fault; it's actually his. The reason is he fell in love!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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