With Wimbeldon and the humiliating defeat of Henmann by a rank outsider not far of in the memory it is clear that hopes for a British champion are slim. But don't panic Brit fans as the spoof can reveal to you the new British hopeful for Wimbeldon 2005.
The new hopeful is a Mr. Atari Pong (A.K.A "The Wall") born in Hong Kong, to British government workers Mr. and Mrs. Ping Pong in 1986. He has come out of nowhere to be seen as capable of taking on the best the world has to offer. His skill knows no bounds, at an open training session for the press it was seen how good this "amateur" is. All shots were superbly returned, and his oponent was under real pressure. One of the volleys between the two went on for twenty minutes before the other player collapsed. Meanwhile "The Wall" stood firm, actually needing little or no movement to return the ball.
His trainer Mr.D Jones (A former brickie) said to the spoof "Oh yeah, I believe my boy has what it takes to go all the way to the top. He's made of solid stuff, and is still unbeaten by any opponent." However, already controversy surrounds this future star. Allegations of illegal substances being used to hold the player together and cries from other players that he is "A Bloody Wall made from bricks and everything" have meant that a tight eye is being kept on this hopeful by the tennis authorities.
No matter what happens in the future there is one thing we can be certain about, move over Tim, Britain has a real player now, that is unlikely to crumble when the going gets tough.