Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Athletics, gender

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

image for Gender Test Athlete Scandal
The Russian women's 4 x 100 meters relay team aroused suspicion

Berlin (Relay Hurdles Sandpit). South African 800 meters runner Daisy Jockstrap has been sent for gender testing following dramatic improvements in her race times.

Six months ago the 18 year old runner finished last in the youth games at Skegness, in a time of three weeks. In the recent championships in Berlin she ran the 800 meters in twelve seconds.

Even the sports council has sat up and taken notice. Official spokesperson Geoffrey Fencesitter said "Maybe there is something illegal here. Then again, maybe there isn't. It could be all very innocent."

Gender testing is a new procedure introduced by the council. Official investigators approach the athlete with a gloved hand and slide their hand inside the athlete's shorts.

John Prescott was recently appointed Britain's first official gender tester. He caused quite a stir at a recent charity function when he insisted on checking Fatima Whitbred even though she was already retired. Prescott is to be released from hospital shortly.

Dr Andi Medix, the IOC's official doctor said "Gender testing is not as easy as it looks. Everyone was sure that Linford Christie was a man. But he is really Louise Christie. It was a banana, a bloody big banana. And Fatima Whitbred had the body of a hod carrier. She never did give it back. Basically, you've got to test the athletes when they are least expecting it. The high jump record was broken sixteen times last night. And that was before the competition even began."

Fatima Whitbred was not available for comment last night. Which is a bloody good thing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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