Written by PFCGino
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Wednesday, 12 August 2009

image for Sir Bobby to Manage Heaven XI

The late Newcastle United manager Sir Bobby Robson has announced today that he will be holding trials to represent Heaven United FC in the upcoming grudge match against AFC Hades. In a press conference by the Heaven FA yesterday, Sir Bobby was confirmed as the new manager, and announced that he is "delighted to be part of a club with such an illustrious 2,000 year history".

Sir Bobby said at the conference that he will pick the very best squad to face AFC Hades, in what would be the first inter-worldly football game for over 2,000 years. "I am delighted to be part of this wonderful occasion, and I hope that the fans will enjoy it too as I look to build a big footballing presence here in Zion".

Up for grabs is the Holy Grail Trophy, a solid gold chalice encrusted with rare and beautiful diamonds. The winners of the match, to be held on 25th December 2009, will be presented with the trophy by none other than God himself, who is set to make his first public appearance in two millennia. A spokesperson said, "God's appearance at the match will be exciting given that he is usually very private; he will surely have something to say aswell, which should be a real treat for the fans that turn up".

The announcement will be music to the ears of seasoned professionals such as ex-England World Cup winning captain Bobby Moore, who had thought that his football career was over when his mortal soul passed to the land of eternal celestial bliss. Alan Ball, who played with Bobby Moore at the 1966 World Cup Finals, has been selected as Sir Bobby Robson's number two, increasing Moore's selection hopes.

AFC Hades will have a number of players at their disposal, including the late George Best. Best would have liked to have turned out for Heaven United, however years of alcohol abuse and womanising has meant that he was eternally banished to the seventh circle of hell. Best said yesterday "Although Heaven United was obviously my first choice, I am an AFC Hades player now and will be giving my all in this match. It will be good to catch up with some old friends".

The high profile match is bound to attract some high-profile fans to the Old Wembley Stadium, with Michael Jackson's people already enquiring at the Heaven FA for advance tickets, and it is thought that even Steve Irwin has pitched a tent at the ticket office in anticipation for them going on sale, and Hitler already purchasing an entire section of the Away stand.

The trials will be held all weekend from 22nd - 23rd August 2009, with the team announced the following Monday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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