Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 10 August 2009

image for Mark Lester Piggott denies Paris paternity
The former champion jockey says his sperm motility was neglible after riding 10,000 winners

London - (Reuterus): "Wasn't me who dunnit," the ex-champion flat racing jockey commented today, "too bleedin' saddle-sore to squeeze one out, mate."

Piggott, 69, was being interviewed about reports that he is Paris Jackson's DNA father.

The 20-times champ strenuously denied "any sordid malarkey" such as sperm donation - whether voluntary, involuntary or quasi-accidental - despite being paid $$$s by a Jackson truss fund.

"Whorses, now that's my thing," Piggott reminisced.

"Going to jail for cheating the taxman? Yeah, that was another.

"But shovin' my pecker up some speculum-weilding fertility Doc's arse at half a million dollars a pop?

(Almost audible gulp...)

"Perish the thought."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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