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Sunday, 9 August 2009

image for Norwich City Taken Over By Womens Institute!
On yer 'ed Ethel!

Following their humiliating 1-7 defeat at home to Colchester United on the opening day of the football season, it has been confirmed that one time holiday home for knackered, over-rated and unwanted footballers, Norwich City, have been taken over by the Norwich Branch of the Womens Institute.

WI Spokeswoman Sally Smudger said, "...as the team excel at playing like a bunch of silly old middle aged women, we decided to take it a step further, and buy the club. This will give our very own silly old middle aged women a chance to play for the club and, who knows, actually show a bit of pride and passion for the shirt-though we're not too kenn on that nasty cheap polyester, and might knit some wollie yellow sweaters, with hems, to play in, instead..."

Norwich Manager Bryan Gunn, aware that his name is an open invitation for newspaper headlines to pronounce "Gunn Fired" if results don't pick up, admitted to being a little concerned about the resounding defeat.

"People forget that, in 1971, Colchester beat Leeds United in the FA Cup, so they're a big club. But we went into the game thinking that, if we lost by maybe four or five, it would show we were on the right path. But we lost by six, so thats something for us to work on in training"

The Norwich players were all thought to be "warming down" in various City hot spots and nightclubs last night. However, it has been revealed that, in a hastily arranged friendly match with a team of armchairs this morning, things did not improve, with the armchairs winning 4-0, a nice florally patterned settee repeatedly getting the better of the Norwich defence and scoring a hat trick.

"That settee was impressive" said Norwich skipper Gary Donkey afterwards, "quick and with a hard shot, I couldn't get near him".

The WI are expected to make several new signings for the club this week, with Gloria Hunniford tipped to become the clubs new goalkeeper and the athletic Dawn French vying with Jo Brand to replace Donkey in the defence.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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