Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Golf

Tuesday, 11 August 2009

image for Tiger Woods Fart 'Not An Accident' Say Other Players
Mediate: I could have blown it in with a fart

Golfing legend-in-his-own-lifetime, Tiger Woods, has come under fire from other tour professionals for his ungentlemanly conduct on the golf course, it has been reported.

Woods, the half-brother of TheSpoof.com writer, Monkey Woods, released a splattering fart during play at the recent Buick Open at Warwick Hills, an incident captured live by TV crews, but it's not the first time, say his rivals.

The trump, delivered whilst Woods was sizing up a shot, has apparently become the player's trademark during tournaments, and the claim that his flatulence is an accident, is, like his underpants, wearing thin.

Rocco Mediate, who lost out to Woods in a play off at the US Open at Torrey Pines in 2008, told us:

"I had a 20 ft putt to level the hole, but as I stood over the ball, Tiger let out a fucking great monster of a fart that lasted a full 7-8 seconds. The flag rippled, and sand in the greenside bunker was disturbed. My confidence was shattered. I imagine his boxers were also 'shattered'. My putt ended up just short - I could've blown it in with a fart!"

Others have also commented on the world number 1's terrible sportsmanship. One, Phil Mickelson, thought by many to be a close friend of Woods, said:

"I dunno what Tiger eats for breakfast, but it sure doesn't agree with his bowels! And, instead of nipping his cheeks together at crucial moments to stifle the fart, he bends his knees and pushes down on his diaphragm to expel some of the longest trumps I've ever had the misfortune to have witnessed, so help me God!"

The USPGA has said that it will investigate any claims that players are trying to gain an advantage by breaking wind loudly, and will deal severely with any found doing so.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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