WILLIAMSBURG, VA - Michael Phelps signed a deal with Duff Gardens after he outraced Serbian rival Milorad Cavic to the wall again Saturday in the 100-meter butterfly at the 2009 Championships in Rome, Italy. Both men beat the record of 50.01 seconds Cavic set on Friday with Phelps touching in at 49.82 seconds and Cavic next at 49.95.
Verbal sparring ended in a playful splash of victory for America's favorite aquatic mammal after a week in which the Serbian taunted Phelps, questioning the greatest swimmer of all time's victory against him by a mere hundredth of a second and flaunting a new high-tech swimsuit that allows him to absorb oxygen from the water through his skin.
"You could tell by my celebration how much this meant to me," Phelps said. When he saw the final times on the scoreboard, Phelps defiantly sent a giant plume of spray out of his blowhole, flapping his outstretched arms together in front of him and propelling himself up out of the water, waving his flipper-like feet back and forth as he happily skipped across the surface of the pool.
After he raised a single finger in victory, saluting his mother and sister, Phelps balanced a beachball on his nose as he did the backstroke, then lightly tipped it into the air, bouncing it with his head past Cavic to Rafael Munoz, the Spaniard who won the bronze medal.
"See? This is exactly why we wanted Phelps!" indicated an excited Duff Gardens spokesman. He said visitors to the Williamsburg theme park can expect even more water frolic just like this after the completion of its Beechwood Bowl waterside ampitheater near the center of the park. Construction will begin after several trees have been burned to clear a way for the new Bowl.
The intelligent, highly playful marine mammal will reportedly swim to work rather than commute, traveling the 135 miles from his home in Baltimore, Maryland, to Williamsburg, Virginia by way of the Chesapeake Bay.
Duff Gardens has already begun to stock up on fish and squid, as Phelps needs around 120,000 kcal each day to maintain such a high energy level, or about six times the intake of the normal adult male dolphins with whom he will be performing.
In other food-related news, value of stock in Kell Logg Flake Company, who dropped Phelps after he was featured on the cover of a British tabloid taking a bong hit, continued to decline spurred by a cannabis supporters' boycott over the last few months, even as other sugar-frosted gateway drug packaging industries held steady overall and the S&P 500 began a slow upward trend.