Friends, family and fans were saddened to hear that football legend Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne would be giving the oration at the funeral of legendary manager Bobby Robson who passed away today.
Gascoigne was a close friend of Robson's - nobody could quite understand what a nice old man ever saw in befriending a wife-beating, alcoholic mental nutter.
Gazza's oration will be carefully listened to -mainly because the man can barely fucking speak and secondly because it was never before made public that he had the ability to read.
Gazza's speech will probably include references to close friends Barry Five Bellies and other stupid drunken knob heads he would hang around in Robson's house with, drinking heavily and vomiting on the carpets.
His speech will probably also trail off mid-sentence as Gazza drools, stumbles, breaks his leg and be put out of action until some other poor fuckers funeral takes place.
Some commentators have said that Robson was a father figure to Gascoigne. Others have said he was just a very, plain ordinary man who happened to tolerate a drunken yob with foot-balling talent.