Written by Wire Piddle
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Friday, 31 July 2009

image for Fartlek Training For Athletes Brings New Meaning To The Term 'Cut And Run'

New York, NY - In an effort to improve their customers level of fitness, Heintses Baked Beans would like to introduce 'Fartlek Training' on their labels. While traditionally Fartlek Training was a method of improving an athletes running capability by doing conditioning running in spurts, Heintses would like to introduce a new twist, that of the 'Cut and Run'.

"A little fart at the beginning and end of each sprint does wonders, " said Heintses corporate media advisor Benny Hill. "...and our product is perfect for producing those little farts. We expect that with this 'Fartlek Training' package, outlining a four-step process for producing a really good fart to incorporate into ones athletic training, our product will be able to reach a much greater audience."

"Traditionally, baked beans have had an audience primarily made of 'stay-at-home' watch the television types. The view that our customers sit around in their underwear eating baked beans is not far off the mark. It is a market that has been fairly limited in scope. With this new 'Fartlek Training' package, our market will now know no boundaries. 'The sky is the limit' as they say, much like a puff of methane on a dewy morning run. Hahahaha!!!"

When asked if Heintses Beans also had the tendency for people to speak in shop worn overworked cliches, Mr. Hill was silent, however a faint odor of burnt cabbage rolls seemed to convey to this reporter that Mr. Hill had found another way to express his displeasure with the question.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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