Written by swell
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Wednesday, 20 March 2002

image for British curlers to pose naked
This SO nearly happened.....

Having been the toast of the country, British gold medallist curlers have really felt the publicity drought recently. This has influenced their recent announcement that they are to pose naked for 'front' magazine.

"Curling has a very sterile, sexless image", said the neither sterile nor sexless captain, Rhona Martin "if shameless exposure is the key to raising the profile of the sport, then I've got no problem with it", she added, for once completing a sentence without shouting.

"We're going for a 'less is more' approach with the shoot", added team Second Fiona MacDonald "We intend to use those curling stones, and the brushes of course, in a tasteful, dignified, yet lustful way. The readers will love it!"

The curlers aren't the first British Olympians to be made such an offer. Eddie 'the Eagle' Edwards had a similar offer made after the Calgary games, but refused due to various other media commitments, such as releasing a crap single and generally letting the world know how bad a ski-jumper he was. Also, as part of his general process of selling out, Steve Redgrave was approached to set up a website of 'tastefully erotic' poses, but refused because he was far too busy arsing around with Gary Lineker in a crisp advert.

The curlers will appear in the June issue of front magazine, pending an inquiry by the press complaints commission.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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