The recent turbulent history of Formula 1 entered a new phase yesterday when the FIA revealed further radical changes aimed at broadening the sport's appeal.
Bernie Ecclestone addressed a stunned world media to announce the changes at a hastily arranged press conference. "Rather than insist that all the teams use the same engines, it has been decided that all teams will use the same basic chassis but will be free to innovate in all other respects. This will allow us to introduce other features to increase interest among the public to prevent them from being piss bored."
From 2010 the 10 teams will use 1973 Reliant milk floats in all races, but they will be free to use whichever power source they see fit. This is thought to include jet engines, turbines and nuclear fuel cells, although the use of fixed or rotary wings to allow powered flight will be banned. In a further change, the unrestricted use of weaponry, including cloaking devices, will be permitted. It is believed that this will increase the risk of driver deaths, but this was defended vigorously by Mr Ecclestone. "Listen you shits. Although it was a shame that Ayrton(Senna) died, it did make fucking great TV."
The radical changes will not only affect the cars themselves, but the format of the races. The revised rules state that the milkfloats should actually carry 16 crates of milk bottles which must be unloaded and reloaded at least three times in new style pit stops. It is believed that this will require extensive retraining of specialist pit crews. F1 drivers will also be required to whistle loudly and continually in a further effort to keep the public awake in what is widely acknowledged to be the the most expensive yet least interesting sport ever devised.
None of the teams committed to competing in 2010 had last night commented on the changes.