Bent boxing promoter with vertical hairstyle, Don King, today told assembled ranks of pressmen that he was looking to promote a super-middleweight World's Best Fighting Footballer bout between David Beckham and Steven Gerrard.
Speaking outside Liverpool Crown Court where Gerrard was accused of hitting a weedy little Man United supporting gobshite in a Southport bar 'like a professional boxer, with upper cuts and that' King told us:
"We all know Stevie G can fight a bit. He's a Scouser from dat Liverpool. The video shows he can hit weedy little guys really hard, even though the guy never went down and Gerrard had all his asshole buddies for backup. But can he fight an old warrior like David Beckham? Can he cut him up like that Fergus dude did? Or will he wilt under the withering stare of the Posh pencil before he even sets foot on the canvas. LET'S GET READY TO RUUUUUUMMMMBLE!"
From LA, where Beckham (soon to be bound back to Man United) was himself courting controversy after offering to shake hands with a belligerent, drunk LA Galaxy fan as half time broke, but with a punch in the face widely regarded as the form the handshake would take, our roving reporter told us:
"Beckham insisted afterwards, he invited the guy down from the stands to shake his hand. After the guy shouted something along the lines of he'd given the Pencil one up the tradesman's* and that she'd loved it. Beckham approached the guy and called him a gay motherfucker and invited him to come on down for a proper 'fisting' The incident was quickly restrained by security staff and the abuser was ejaculated. It certainly looks like Beckham is up for a ruckus these days. Who knows? Maybe King's boxing idea will pay off big time."
If the multi-billion dollar extravaganza does take place it will likely be staged at the Maracana Stadium in Rio de Janeiro, and covered by pay TV.
Unless Gerrard goes to Walton for a holiday instead.
*Tradesman's: The back entry, the back door, the annus horribilis. (Source-Oxenholme English Dickshunry)
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