Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 5 August 2009

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City fans hail the arrival of the mystery striker

Hull City manager Phil Brown has moved to 'further' strengthen his squad for the upcoming Premier League campaign by signing a mystery striker from the Thai league team Pattaya City, it has been rumoured.

Sources in Southeast Asia have confirmed - sort of - that the centre-forward, who is said to have scored "many, many times" in the bars on Pattaya's beachfront strip, has signed a contract this morning.

City needed a proven scorer to bolster their toothless attack to avoid a repetition of last season's inept performances in front of goal, and the Thai hitman is certainly that. In one session last Saturday, he scored three times in twenty minutes after hitting the bar, and again an hour later with a chambermaid at the Day-Night Hotel.

Tigers' manager Brown said today:

"We were impotent in front of goal last season. We need a striker with a bit more virility, and a bit more spunk in his sack."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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