It was revealed yesterday that Manchester City have finally signed Argentinian striker Judas Iscariot.
Iscariot, who runs about a lot huffing and puffing, was said to be delighted by his move down the road.
United fan, Mental Mickey, speaking from The Dog And Partridge pub on Chester Road near Old Trafford was spitting feathers. He told us:
"The two-faced Judas bastard had the neck to tell us that he was grateful to the fans, and blamed Fergie for not communicating with him. The prick's been here for three or four years now and he can't speak English. What's Fergie supposed to do? Learn Spanish so he can text his second-string striker?"
We could see that Mental Mickey was getting agitated so we backed off to a safe distance.
"We're gonna declare war on Argentina again!" he roared, in a drunken frenzy. "Remember Goose Green you bastards!"
It appears that Iscariot will get a warm welcome from the Old Trafford faithful on his return. With petrol bombs.
More as we get it.