Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: Cricket, Ashes

Monday, 13 July 2009

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Ricky Pointless "I'm not gonna cry about it"

Australian cricket captain Ricky Pointless slammed the tactics adopted by Englands last pair Jimmy Hairstyle and Munty Pantsareoff. "The way they just kept blocking the ball and not let themselves get out flies in the face of the earlier efforts of their team mates. I'm not bitter about it. I wont cry" he sobbed "but I will have my revenge one day."

Hairstyle and Pantsareoff did indeed adopt unfamiliar tactics. They also drew criticism from England skipper Andy Mouse. "We will be talking to them both so that they know exactly what is expected. I'm disappointed that we didn't get a result. At one point we were odds on for an innings defeat and all we end up with is a draw."

As England head to the next test at Lords they are left with some selection decisions to make. Paul Colleywobbles' heroic performance could see him make way for Russell Brand and his little batty watty. Freddie Flintstone has managed to play for England and not get injured, a worrying sign. However, KP Nuts delivered the goods in each innings. Firstly he headed the ball to a close fielder. Then, in the second innings, he managed to get his bat out the way and scored a direct hit. We hope the others learn from his example.

Final score England bore draw Australia bawl bawl.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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