Written by Earl Grey
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Topics: BBC, Cricket

Saturday, 11 July 2009

image for Test Match Special Still Stuck In 19th Century
"You cad, sir!"

BBC's Test Match Special is still stuck firmly in the 19th Century. It does not look likely that it will ever escape. CMJ (Christopher Martin Jenkins) responded to the allegations by saying "Sir, your suggestion is preposterous. I damn your impudence, you bounder. If it was not for the current drinks break I would take you outside and give you a damn good thrashing behind the sight screen."

His colleague Blowers (Henry Blofeld) said "CMJ, my dear old thing, do not let this cad get your dander up. Be seated, I pray. I have an excellent piece of chocolate cake which awaits your astute assessment."

There was a test match going on in the background, although this remained largely peripheral. Many of the players had been to state schools, thus they were of little interest to the commentary box establishment.

There were several monologues from Geoff Boycott, entitled 'Why I am always right about crickeet". These meandering pieces have been known to induce the listener to fetch the garden shears and end it all.

The BBC has been encouraged to try and spice up the commentary. Victor Marks has been wearing brightly coloured shirts. He has not worked out yet that as he is on radio the audience cannot actually see them. His shirts have at least given Aggers (Jonathan Agnew) plenty to talk about, otherwise he might have described the cricket.

Latest score: Chocolate cake 15 for 5 commentators.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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