A swine flu epidemic has decimated the expensively assembled Manchester City first team squad. Manager Mark Hughes has been panic buying untried replacements as his stars drop one after the other.
Micah Richards is the latest casualty following a short break in Cyprus. "Micah was struck down after having a resting break where he didn't go on the lash. He did not think at first that he had alcohol poisoning." said a club spokesman.
With so many of his star names likely to be out of action for the start of the season Hughes has assembled a band of misfits for his new first team squad:
- Goalkeeper: Paddy Kenny-recently boosted his immune system.
Full backs: Gallagher brothers-loyal sky blue fans, able to construct a wonder wall to defend free kicks.
Centre backs: Michael Jackson and Jade Goody-expected to dominate the box.
Midfield: Andy Murray, Elena Baltacha, Alex Bogdanavitch-controversial, as trio are yet to win anything on grass.
Forwards: Bob Crow-excellent striker: Lord Mandelson-Has watched Ronaldo's footwork closely: Nick Griffin-experienced right winger.
Hughes hopes that this hastily assembled team can go on to glory. "We might be able to beat Hull" he said "and that could help us stay up."