"Bring on the Aussies!" That was the cry from the England camp before this week's first Ashes test in Cardiff. Star batsman K.P.Nuts said "We are ready for a fight. We are not scared-except for Ian Bellend, who is crapping his pants."
The England team are confident. Skipper Andy Mouse has run into form, Alistair Cook has sent a letter from America, Bavi Ropara is full of runs. It all seems so good. However, their is a question mark over the fitness and commitment of all rounder Freddie Flintstone. Is he fit? Does he care? Or is he only interested in the money he can make from Plenty Plenty?
The Australians were hit by the news that star bowler Bruce Lee was out injured. "Obviously it is a blow to lose somebody of Bruce's class, but we are still confident" said skipper Ricky Pointless,"We've got Dirty Hussey, Twitchy Johnson, Had Braddin, Simon Catshit and Phillip Hugescore so we are strong enough to beat the Poms."
England will be hoping to improve upon the last time the two sides met when Australia won 5-0. Selecting Cardiff for the first test has been controversial. There is expected to be a great deal of spin-just to try and convince everyone that it was a good idea. Munty Pantser has been recalled. The 'Turban of Tweak' will aim for the rough patches, usually found in Cardiff at around 3am on a Saturday morning.