Written by Morgan Truce
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Friday, 9 July 2004

image for "Tour de France" Won by Brower!

BELMAR, New Jersey (AP) Not many people in this small beach town thought Jimmy Brower would be allowed to enter this year's "Tour de France". When the news came that Jimmy actually won the "Tour De France", Belmar residents were dancing on the boardwalk! "Our paper delivery boy sure has made a name for himself," said Mayor Kenneth E. Pringle. "Little Jimmy has had the newspaper route in town for the past two years and he rode many miles on his bicycle every day. Last year he started writing letters to the Tour de France race committee, but no one here gave him much of a chance. I guess we were wrong!"

When the word got around town that Jimmy Brower had actually been allowed to enter the world famous race, a lot of bake sales and car washes were held to raise money to help pay for the airfare for Jimmy and his trusty Schwinn bicycle. On the day of the race, the whole town turned out on the beach looking out over the Atlantic Ocean. "Our little Jimmy is over there in France," said one middle-aged woman. "We love you Jimmy! Pedal fast! Pedal fast!"

Radios in cars parked along the boardwalk were tuned in for news of the race. When the news finally came that Jimmy Brower had won the Tour de France, the crown on the beach let out a huge cheer. Mayor Pringle was hoisted up and thrown into the ocean and needed to be rescued by lifeguards. Police had to be called when several toughs from Asbury Park started tearing up boards from the boardwalk as souvenirs. For the most part, however, Belmar remained about as calm as could be expected for the hometown of the now-famous Jimmy Brower.

Jimmy's father, Henry Brower spoke to Spoof reporter Morgan Truce: "Jimmy has been saving his paper route money towards college for several years. Now, since he won the Tour de France, he'll get some big prize money to go into his bank account. We're just very proud of our little Jimmy! He'll be flying home the day after tomorrow, and we're going to have a big party for our winner. I promised him that if he won the Tour de France, I would remove the training wheels from his Schwinn. I guess I'll have to do that now!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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