Written by Jaggedone
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 4 July 2009

image for Sir Alex shocks the footy world by signing Owen, Gazza, Zidane, Cantona, Maradona, Robbo, Keano, etc.
Owen, "Mon Dieu" Cantona, Zidane, Gazza and Co all sign for Man Utd, Utd fans can't wait!!!

Sir Alex revealed his new shock signings to the worlds footy press, not only has he signed veteran invalid Michael Owen but he also flabbergasted the football world by naming several other footy Icons who will relight the dimming lights at the "Theatre of Dreams"!

After surrendering miserably to Barcelona and losing Ronaldo to Real, Sir Alex has devised a devious plan to conquer the world once more. This time not with young multi-millionaire wannabees, no , this time with veteran super-stars who will revitalise Old Trafford, give the real fans what they really want, star - studded entertainment, goals, goals, goals, sublime talent and most of all proving to the world that Man U and Sir Alex are just unbelievable!!

In his press conference Sir Alex quoted: "I am sick to death of these over paid, young guns (a la Nani) who are not fit to wear the historic shirt of Man U, so I've decided to get these old superstars fit once more and play with a real "Dream Team.""

"Once they said you couldn't win a dickie bird with youngsters and I proved em all wrong, now in my last couple of years I'm going to give Old Trafford back to the real Man U fans and entertain their butts off."

Alongside Owen, Sir Alex has already signed Gazza, he has promised Sir A to stop boozing, get fit and after rehab he will be ready. Eric "Mon Dieu" Cantona, Zidane Zidane, Maradona, also have been signed, are in specialised fitness programmes and will be ready for the new season. Robbo and Keano have also promised to stop guzzling it up and will return to turn over the turf once more! Even Becks offered his services but was told to politely, "Fuck Off Laddie."

Alongside these superstars, Rooney, Giggsy, Scholsey, Van de Sar, Vidic, Rio, etc, will line up and they can't fucking wait! Rio said, "this is the greatest thing that's happened to footy in 50 years, I'm so excited to be playing with these guys, Sir Alex still has his marbles and we will conquer the world once more!"

A dedicated, real from Manchester, Utd fan, when asked about the new signings just uttered in sheer excitment, "MON FUCKING DIEU" fell over and died of a heart attack!

Man Utd will now be known as "Man Utd Old Trafford Superstar Globetrotters", Chelsea, Real, Barcelona beware!

Make Jaggedone's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 4?

9 16 24 4
111 readers are online right now!

Go to top