Written by IainB
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Saturday, 4 July 2009

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Sugar Daddies, like sugar in hot tea, always dissolve

The Conference North has been made a laughing stock in the world of football (soccer) today when it was revealed before the season kicked off that it is extremely likely nobody would be relegated for on the pitch performances.

Northwich Victoria are starting the season with a minus ten point deduction after spending several thousand pounds that they reportedly didn't have to pay their bills in order to secure a top class lawyer to save them from further relegation.

Next up were Farsley Celtic who also spent money they didn't have and then wondered why they were suddenly so far in debt that the British Government want them to pay it all back to pay off the national debt. When they refused, they were ejected from the league seconds after being included in the fixture list. They too have found money for paying another top class lawyer, and yet couldn't find it to pay their tax bills.

Stafford Rangers make team three looking desperately for cash to stave off a winding up order, and have been busy trying to raise sixty thousand pounds in two weeks, and with days to go are still some twenty grand short. They too could face a ten point deduction.

Finally, Hyde United are still in trouble, despite being saved from relegation when King's Lynn, who decided not to do ANY of the work they were told to do to get their ground up to the required standard, were subsequently ejected from the league. They too owe thousands to the tax man, having tried burning their tax bills instead of paying them. If they fail to find the money, they will also be deducted the requisite ten points.

With Gainsborough, Fleetwood, Eastwood and Corby relying on sugar daddies, it could yet go the shape of the pear for these clubs. It could mean that to avoid relegation from the Conference North this year, all a club has to do is spend the money it has. A bizarre and controversial approach, but one that might just work.

By the way...the above isn't exaggerated for effect, the league really is as daft as it sounds.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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