Written by Earl Grey
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Friday, 3 July 2009

image for Manchester United Sign Paraplegic
The New Manchester United Away Strip

Manchester United have stunned the football world by signing a paraplegic to replace Ronaldo and Carlos Tevez. John Cole has been signed, subject to a stringent medical, and is expected to join pre season training in Skegness.

Sir Alex Whinger, long serving manager, denied that the club was cutting back on extravagance. "Look, Coley is a class player. Okay, it's been a few years since he scored a goal, but he has experience and I always say that you can't put a price on experience. That's why I paid £2million for him."

Cole has moved from Newcastle to Manchester United, echoing the move of another Cole, Andy Cole, some years before. The key difference is that this time Newcastle supporters are laughing rather than crying. It will be intersting to see if tactics will change at Manchester United. Ronaldo loved to run behind the opposition. If Cole is to do the same Sir Alex will need even more time added on at the end of the match. About a month should do the trick.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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