Written by Blazing Saddle
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Thursday, 2 July 2009

image for Cantona Offers Ronaldo Karate Lesson
Ronaldo Fans Queue For A Good Shoeing

Eric Cantona, philosopher, actor, poet, French tosser, sometime footballer has criticised Ronaldo for his recent attack on a 17-year-old girl.

Ronaldo allegedly kicked in the window of the girl fan when he saw her taking video footage of him and his £7 million Ferrari Testicle.

Cantona had declared the move "a clear foul".

Citing karate rules, Cantona says the kick should have been aimed at the young lady's chest and invites Ronaldo to attend a fan-kicking masterclass at his luxury £123,790 million penthouse.

Ronaldo was not available for comment, but a spokesman read a prepared statement.

"Mr Ronaldo feels no need to apologise for the incident. The kick was aimed at the girl's chest, but the car window glass diverted some of the force. I will be writing a poem to commemorate the event and it will feature in my new movie "Ronaldo" to be released at the next Cannes Film Festival".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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