Manchester United are set to humiliate their arch rivals by signing every single one of Alex Ferguson's team.
"Tevez was just the beginning", said an insider, "Rooney,Anderson, Giggsy, Scholes, Rio Ferdinand the whole lot of 'em are coming over to our side this summer".
Ferguson is said to be spitting teeth and electricity companies have reported a power surge due to the amount of power being used up on his legendary blow dryer.
He's been blaming Tevez's whining for the disaster and wondering why he didn't just pay for the ugly munchkin fucker himself in the first place.
There are one or two exceptions, though: Berbatov and Nani.
Apparently nobody wants those two.