Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Tuesday, 16 June 2009

image for David Letterman drives Sarah Palin to join "The Vagina Monologues" 500?
"Gosh darn it, Sarah. Now you got everyone thinking I promote statutory rape when I promote female Indiana 500 car drive

Anchorage, Alaska - In attempt to expand the Alaskan governess's horizons (or call her bluff), producers of "The Vagina Monologues" have invited Sarah Palin to perform in their show.

If she accepts, Palin will read a scene from the play called: "The Little Coochie Snorcher That Could", which involves the rape by an older woman of a 16-year-old girl (originally a 13-year-old), according to the show's producers.

"Mrs. Palin accepts," said a spokesman for Gov. Palin. "She'll do whatever part is offered to her. After all, there's nothing like sisters coming together."

"We couldn't agree more," replied the show's producer chuckling to herself as is privy to an inside joke upon hearing the news of Palin's blind acceptance to do the show. "That's why we're having Sarah Palin play the part of the older woman that rapes a 16-year-old girl. I'll place the long distance call to Anchorage now, letting Palin's people know if they're still interested in doing the show."

Upon hearing from Palin herself that she could not be happier to play the controversial role, however, the producer all but hung-up the phone in total shock.

When the producer asked why Palin did not object to portraying a statutory rapist on moral grounds, she replied: "Well, by golly, I always thought that bit about politics making strange bedfellows was just a saying, but if the 2008 presidential campaign has taught me anything it is that you have to do anything or anyone it takes to get into the White House. Just ask Joe Biden. He knows what I'm taking about."

Palin then proceeded to wink thinking the producer could see her through the other end of the phone.

"By the way," continued Palin still on the phone talking to the producer. "How are those kneepads I sent you working out, Joe?"

"What?" responded the producer. "Are you addressing me?"

"So, you see," continued Palin, not skipping a beat. "I'm prepared to do whatever or whomever it takes to please or pleasure my new liberal crossover constituents, if it means I getting elected president next time around come 2012 that is. And right now, that means rallying the gals into a fever pitch against that late night jokester, David Letterman, on the false allegation that he promotes statutory rape. And if I have to portray myself as one to make that ridiculous charge stick, I will. Now what time are rehearsals?"

"Oh, about that," stuttered and stammered the producer. "You didn't get back to us soon enough. So we gave the part to Rosie O'Donnell."

"Oh well, too bad," said Palin. "Todd was all worked up about helping me read my lines with me, maybe next time -- Todd! Todd! No dear, you can get out of my nightgown now. They gave the part to someone else. No, I'm sure. I already asked. Oh, now look what you did. I'll never get that stain out. Go on outside and shoot me a Polar bear or something, okay? Would you do that for me, dear? That's a good boy. Don't forget your gun. No. Not with that one, the other one. Now put that one away 'till later, before you freeze it off like you almost did the last time. No. I told you. I already asked. Todd! Todd! Come back here with my nightgown."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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