Written by Jaggedone
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Topics: Cricket

Monday, 15 June 2009

image for Dutch Queen and her folk give Dutch Cricket team a heroes welcome after stuffing England!
Dutch cricket captain sends Michael Vaughan a typical Dutch souvenier as a lasting memory of their historic victory!

The Dutch cricket team were welcomed home to a heroes welcome in Amsterdam after their astounding victory over England in the 20/20 World Cup.

Ticker tape open bus extravaganza, an audience with the Queen, Primeminister, TV interviews, in fact the full Monty!

After being asked how they felt after smacking the English bottoms they all answered "high as a fucking kyte man, especially after jointing it up with the Brits when they demanded weed and cannabis as a consolation prize after our glorious win over them!"

Also one very curious Dutch Sports reporter asked the team, "can you please explain what the fuck cricket actually is to the bewildered Dutch public who have no idea what the hell the celebrations are about."

The Dutch cricket captain Johann Legoverzewicket answered:

Cricket is an ancient, slow, very boring sport and nobody here in Holland gives a shit about the game, we Dutch are brilliant at footy, cycling, volleyball, speed-skating, growing weed and hold the world record in gay marriages, but never win anything, just like the Brits, so we decided to join the losers at their own game, and stuffed em!"

At that moment the Dutch Queen, Beatrix (no, not the male version, speedy gay magician Hans Klok!) entered the room in her all whites (not orange) to honour the team with the Nassau Oranje medal (Dutch equivalent to the MBE) for services above and beyond normal duties.

She also asked Kapitan Johann Legoverzewicket for private bowling and batting lessons for her favourite son, Prinz Willem and his fab Argentinian wife Maxima as they had already practised SM cricket with the Brit royals, Charles, Camilla, Prince Harry and Prince Philipp but failed to understand the laws of being "whipped by a cricket bat, Chained to the boundaries, getting a leg over the stumps before penetration and having hard red cricket balls shoved up their butts, but it was great fun anyway, Howzat!"

Johann promised Queen Beatrix he would continue to support the export of fab Dutch drugs to England and was promptly stumped and knighted for his superb efforts!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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