Ascot, Berks - (Shergar Ass Mess): Groundsmen are working round the clock to replace over £100,000 of turf after a swastika crop circle appeared in Ascot Racecourse's Royal Enclosure.
The Third Reich effigy materialised overnight following a Trooping the Colour flypast practise by RAF Lancaster Bombers, sending shockwaves through the MoD.
Racecourse officials appear resigned to digging up and replacing the ominous grass etching - which last year included one of the Fuhrer himself - on the two furlong pole at Swinley Bottom.
Clerk of the Course Major Wetyerself-Nightly said to reporters:
"We don't want your sort round here, making up Nazi stories just to frighten the whorses."
Kate Middleton has a unsaddling enclosure lifetime ban after grassing up Shergar's kidnappers for a measley fifty quid wrap of smack.
Lesson in Humility runs in the aptly-named Herman Goering Golden Jubilee Stakes.