Man United officials today prepared to smash the world transfer record as they boarded a plane bound for Dublin. It's been strongly hinted at, that following Cristiano Ronaldo's Real Madrid move United are prepared to flex their financial muscle by putting in a £94 million bid for Irish footballing genius Fergus McCarthy.
McCarthy shares many of the same attributes as Cristiano Ronaldo, good with both feet, good in the air, fast, quick thinking, technically brilliant, a free kick expert and a ready smile. However, he is said to be not quite so attractive to the opposite sex and has never shagged Paris Hilton. (Allegedly)
A United official told us:
"It's true. We're prepared to break the bank for McCarthy. We have a strong tradition of Irish excellence at the club and we're keen to propogate that. Roy Keane, Dennis Irwin, Kevin McGrath, Norman Whiteside, George Best, Kevin Moran, Frank Stapleton, Harry Gregg, and soon, hopefully, Fergus McCarthy."
The world record transfer deal though has yet to be finalised, as a United official explained:
"We've spoken to the lad and it seems that there might be some issues to deal with, like his dietary requirements and his love of the drink. But hopefully he'll be a Manchester United player within the next forty eight hours. Make no mistake about it - The Devil's Avocado is coming to Manchester."
More on these sensational developments when we get back from wherever it is we've been.