Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 12 June 2009

image for Man United Fans Are All Lying Bastards
Ronaldo - Not The Best In A Tackle

This was the astonishing claim made today by Donald Skoob, a janitor and general dogsbody at Salford University following Cristiano Ronaldo's sensational £80 million move to Real Madrid. He told us:

"All these United fans who keep popping up saying that they're not bothered by the move are deluding themselves. Selling the best player in the world to a club you wouldn't sell a virus to is a pretty stunning U-turn in policy and it can't do the club or its image any good, whether the price was right or not. There'll be a lot of United fans crying in their beer and choking on their cornflakes today. If they're honest about it, they're all eating shit, and that's the truth."

Manchester United were said to be untroubled by the change in personnel, stating that they would be relying on Owen Hargreaves to make blistering runs down both flanks and score a lot of goals with both feet and his head against future opponents. And score stunning free kicks too.

"Are you taking the piss?" Donald Skoob asked us when we passed on this news.

In related news, an anonymous buyer completed the purchase of Newcastle United FC with a Provident cheque.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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