Written by Morgan Truce
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Monday, 5 July 2004

image for Maria Sharapova Signs Deal

Maria Sharapova really needs an antiperspirant that works on those huge Russian armpits. "My pits got a heavy workout this past week at Wimbledon. I never would have won if I didn't use Arrid Brand deodorant. Arrid kept me dry while my opponents got soaked. I don't know what Serena Williams was using, but she was sweating so much, I think it cost her the game."

Maria Sharapova was generous enough to give important tips to rising tennis stars: "First, be sure to shave your armpits very, very carefully; any nicks will interfere with your backhand. Then, be sure to apply at least six coats of Arrid Brand antiperspirant -- letting each coat dry thoroughly before applying the next layer. Finally, be sure to pack a whole case of Arrid into your tennis bag so that you can touch up your armpits between serves."

Church & Dwight Co., makers of Arrid, is now the proud sponsor of Maria Sharapova, replacing Nike. "Once we saw her armpits, we just fell in love with her!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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