The beleaguered Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez from the luxury of his holiday on Menorca has revealed that the club is set to announce the transfers of some of the biggest stars in world football.
"It's true we have control of the situation," Benitez told three old grannies napping on deck chairs at the playa. "And I think in the next 90 minutes we will see these great players arrive on the pitch at Anfield...oh hang on this isn't the place where the press conference is...err sorry."
Arriving some 20 minutes late for his news conference, and wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a sombrero, and sipping a pina colada, Benitez revealed the summer transfer coups at the Park Lane Hotel in Menorca,
"Its true we have control of the situation. i can confirm these players will be coming."
He then said he was happy to take questions from the media.
Tosser from The Sun asked: "But Rafa, you have no money. The club has just lost 46 million quid."
Rafa quickly replied, "Ha! you think?! But actually we are loaded!", pulling wads of monopoly money from his pockets. "Footballers are utterly stupid and these players have never been to England and have no idea what the pound sterling looks like. We have told them we will pay them millions and they signed up immediately. It really works, and I should know. Rick Parry fooled me for two years paying me this way before I clocked on...so we have at least two seasons before they realise!"
And with that Rafa waltzed out of the presser revealing a massive hole in the back of his shorts revealing two very cheeky bits